You do, you really sometimes have to just roll with it and turn a blind eye to certain things. Mainly other people and their pie in the sky, inexperienced views!
Since being in the wheelchair and hitting, somewhat ‘hard times’, some people can be great to start giving you advice.
…The wrong advice!
It is not the case for everyone, obviously this is just a handful of people I speak about, and I have just come to the idea that some people are just a little dim and mean no real harm in what they are saying!
I consider myself very, ‘with it’. I can tell the wood from the trees and know when to laugh off certain things, but for other people who may be in a vulnerable mental state having ended up in a wheelchair, out of work, and completely dependent on their better half for the majority of everyday things, this advice could be taken up wrong or could push a more vulnerable person over the edge.
You have to know when and what to take with a pinch of salt.
For example, a few close people to us have tried to give practical living advice to us, given our new situation and the phrase most often thrown out there is; “All you have to do is keep positive”, Keep positive and magical positive things will start to happen, right?!
No! I can get down, I can feel angry, I can feel like wanting to be pissed off and give out about my situation, but I am rational and practical too and I understand that these things happen to good people and you just have to learn to adapt to a new, given situation because it is completely out of your control and that is just that. I am a very positive person, nearly all the time, quite childish in my approach to life actually to the point that I get over excited and find joy over the most trivial things! but sometimes a bit of negativity bursts out of me through emotion and you know what? THAT’S PERFECTLY OK! it is perfectly NORMAL, and that is good to get out of your system too! It is like telling someone who is going through depression to “Stay positive”, that is so condescending, because if they could just stay positive, they would do it and not be depressed, would they? See where I am coming from?!
What pisses me off most though are these people who keep saying this “Keep positive” and “try this” and “Try that” advice, have no idea or experience of what it is to actually go through something like this. They are speaking from an outside looking in perspective which is just so far removed from the real life situation that is actually going on, so, how can they really give any advice?
It is not advice they should be giving.
Love, Kindness, A listening Ear and Understanding is what is needed most of all. Not advice. Not, “Just keep positive and all will be ok”, because that is not how things work.
When something like this happens to a loved one, a friend, an acquaintance. All we want is someone to listen and understand. A hug, A pat on the shoulder, hold our hand and cry with us if that is what it takes, anything, But don’t give advice unless you have been in the same situation, otherwise it is just perceived as insincere and condescending.
Just be there for that someone and help them get through what they are going through. That is more welcome than anything you could offer in the advice department 🙂
Empathy is needed, not sympathy! Thinking of you x